Dear Inner Martha Stewart,
You were ecstatic about the arrival of four children – it would finally be your moment to shine. Daydreaming about the projects you could complete for the kids, the launch of Pinterest right before they came triggered a frenzy of unlimited ideas. However, things haven’t always worked out in the end, and I am reevaluating the level of influence I give you in my decision making.
It began innocently enough – Bird came home with a class assignment to invent her own country – demographics, imports and exports, even a poster of it’s flag. But for you, this wasn’t enough. “I have a really good idea Bird, why don’t we sew an actual flag with fabric!”. A great idea I admit, but the problem quickly became apparent: Inner Martha Stewart, you conflict with my Inner Procrastinator (or my inner “Works Well Under Pressure” as I call her to encourage myself).
Jump ahead to Halloween 2011: the kids wanted a few store bought masks and small costume items. Unfortunately “store bought Halloween costume” isn’t a phrase in your vocabulary. Together we convinced everyone that no store bought costume could come close to a hand sewn masterpiece. By noon on halloween day I was in doubt – sitting cross legged on the dining room floor, pinning tulle to elastic- my Hail Mary attempt at tutus. I momentarily understood that with you, when I am asked “Can you make a tutu?” I blurt out, “Sure, I can make a fabulous tutu”, without any previous experience and little knowledge of how to do so. Inner Martha Stewart, you embolden me, fill me with delusions of grandeur even.
Miraculously, we pulled off Halloween. Our next feat? A birthday party. Homemade, gluten free cupcakes and and frosting? Sure! No problem. Until then had I EVER made frosting- piped over a cupcake, an oh so delicate swirl on top? Nope. When the party was planned, I considered buying a sandwich platter from Costco until you chimed in, “Costco? Why on earth? We can easily whip up appetizers for thirty – Belgian style sweet potato fries in paper cones, buffalo wings from scratch, broccoli cheese balls and southwester egg rolls. Lets do it”…I caved.
By the next birthday party, I should have learned. But no- you convinced me to make all the food by hand AND rather than purchasing decorations, we stayed awake together until four in the morning crafting paper garlands, strategically hanging them throughout the house.
It hurts to be the bearer of bad news, Inner Martha Stewart, but my husband hates you. While he agrees we produce beautiful results, when you and my Inner Procrastinator rumble, he has to contend with my Inner Drama Queen and her very real sleep deprived meltdowns.
This year has been fun, you’ve pushed me to attempt craftiness I never thought possible. Learning new skills and gaining confidence I know – anything is possible with some determination, a sewing machine and hot glue gun. But perhaps the cliche is right, I can’t do it all, and store bought sandwich platters aren’t so bad.
*sigh*
This is a big big topic for me.
I am a daughter of the Original SUPERMOM!
Phd from Harvard, Full Professor, Mother of 4 kids close in age, and wife of a man who, lets just say, was “pre” the era of the helpful-on-any-level-in-the-home man.
My Mother sewed original costumes for all 4 of us every Halloween. Along with much of our day to day clothing. She organized amazing thematic Birthday parties 4 times a year. She cooked full nutritious sit down dinners every night of the week. (We ate out twice a year). Massive grocery shopping, laundry, housecleaning, child interfacing…. and add Master Gardener, all home repairs, and painter/paperhanger to the list.
I kid you not, my friend’s Mothers used to corner me and ask: “How does she do it??”.
As a kid I had no idea what they were talking about.
Looking back I realize one way she did it was by sacrificing sleep. After all her reading/grading/prepping and sewing late into the night, Mom’s bedtime was between 1 and 2 am. Wake up call? Between 5 and 6 am for the 1st of MANY pots of coffee and packing 4 lunch bags…
I’m not even going to tell you about my sister who is another PhD, Mother of 2 young sons, and has BESTED Martha!
Lets get to my experience, quite different.
I have talent and the creative calling…. but I have observed that I always choose relationships over projects. And this is not a judgement. There is room for every single way of being a Mother and Homemaker possible. We need every single one of us. God’s infinite expression. I am simply amused by how my way of being a Mother & Homemaker has obviously been in direct RESPONSE to the remarkable example of my own Mother. We are all free to choose our priorities.
In my 53 years I can count on my fingers and toes the times I have gotten less than 8-9 hours of sleep. (Except the night before a few Halloweens when I was nostalgically sewing my ONE child’s costume at the last minute, LOL). I made sure I was available to my child in ways my Mother never could be for me. I have nourished important friendships throughout my life, including in my Mothering years. And most importantly, I have taken my relationship with myself and my Higher Power very very seriously. Child, friends, community, self, God…. these relationships take commitment and a chunk of time out of every day.
Like you Farrah, I am also skilled at procrastinating. Yet that can work to our advantage, because when push ends up at shove, we can ask ourselves: “How important is it?”. When I was a member of La Leche League in my early Motherhood, they used to say “People before Things”. Luckily that one stuck in my head and supported me in my quest to be a Woman who Has it All but Not All at Once!
So now that my son is grown and I have all the time in the world to knit & paint & garden: I want instead to welcome more children into my home to love and help thrive, go figure.
Hysterical. I was laughing out loud because I can seriously imagine you up in the wee hours of the morning frantically whipping up these things! They do look good in the end though!
Don’t we all wish our inner Martha would just pour herself a martini and sit down to watch the entire first season of Mad Men sometime?
Loved the post – found you on TALU!
You’re right on with that Joan!